CHURCHES EXIST ONLY TO KEEP YOU OUT OF HEAVEN

by Mr. Mean-Spirited

 

 

Think of heaven as a sort of gold mine high up in the mountains, a cloud-covered motherlode that promises unimaginable riches. But if you actually knew how to reach these heavenly treasures, you certainly aren’t ever going to tell anyone else how to find the hidden wealth. And, just like your mining claim, you would actively and aggressively mislead anyone trying to approach the fortunes of this lost paradise.

Church leaders are just like a placer miner – whatever they say is specially crafted to mislead the listener. Churches are designed not to get you into heaven, but to so misguide you that you would never be able to attain the celestial riches. Every believer that the pastors manage to delude means all the more heaven for the church officials themselves. Whatever a priest tells you is not only a damn lie, but a falsehood deliberately crafted to lead you astray.  

Ministers are not trying to save you, but to reduce the competition. Grizzled priests are not there to bring rivals to heaven, but to keep the place to themselves.

The Bible states quite decisively that only a fixed number of souls are going to be allowed into heaven. The Book of Revelation affirms that only 144,000 are going to push through the Pearly Gates. The afterlife has a strict occupancy limit, and an ordinary supplicant like you will never be allowed to become one of the lucky ones – your bishop will make damn certain of that.

A good reverend quickly comes to realize that every person who gets into heaven before him means that the churchman is that much more unlikely to be able to squeeze his way into paradise. A cleric must treat each new believer as a kind of claimjumper that is stealing his birthright. The larger the denomination, the more persuasive the misdirection.  

Following religious commandments is simply devised to cause you to lose your bearings – you will never be able to find anything until you begin to trespass. A conformist is always the first to get disoriented in the desert. The only moral compass you’re going to need is your own desire.

Trust no one else’s directions and you will never get lost. If all the holy men are pointing one way, turn around and take the opposite route.

YOU NEED TO ANTICIPATE HER BETRAYAL

by Mr. Mean-Spirited

Some might wish that an ex-lover goes on to enjoy a happy life. Some might hope that an ex-girlfriend might find joy in a new relationship. Some might desire the best for a former sexual partner. I am not one of those people. I always wish the worst.

We live in unpleasant times. Modern democracy asserts that divorce is a good thing. Mass media insists that break-ups are damn near unavoidable. Feminists say that a woman has no need for a man’s love. So be it. I need you to come to an understanding that you can’t change cultural fashions. I’ve got to shake some sense into you. You need to accept that any relationship is doomed from the start.

If you are unlucky enough to fall in love, then you need an edge. If you ever are unfortunate to feel affection, then you damn well better have an exit strategy.

The greater your sentiments for the female in question, the more you are going to need to settle scores when the romance comes to an end. Affection is all about avenging things.

The minute you first cast your gaze upon her, you need to expect that she will leave you. Since any possible love affair will never have any future no matter what, then it is only fair that you prepare for the inevitable. Got to anticipate a woman’s duplicity. Got to be preemptive about a lover’s betrayal. Since a wife is certain turn unfaithful on you, then you want to be in a position to hurt her as much as she will harm you.

Since it is dead certain that she will abandon you, then it is only fair that you insert enough subliminal commands into her psyche to fuck her up when she finally does leave. Might as well turn those whispered sweet nothings into hypnotic commands. Might as well transform all that pillow talk into subconscious directives. You don’t just need to insert part of your body into all her orifices, but you must embed a new pattern of belief in her unconscious. You need to implant the idea that she will be wretched without you. Consider it a kind of prenuptial psychology.

I’ve never understood how some weak characters might desire only the best for an ex-wife: after all, the best would have the female still living with you – so if she has fallen away from you, then you might as well help her descend to the bottom of the pit. You can’t change the social pressure that will cause her to desert you, but you can leave enough unconscious directives to cause the woman to forever regret her actions.

If you have made another person as miserable as you are, then you have truly accomplished something.

YOUR LIFE IS FUCKED

by Mr. Mean-Spirited



They fucked you over. Make no mistake about it, they fucked you over good.

You have no future. They promised that a good job would be your birthright – but now have to recognize that you’re never going to get it. You always thought that you would have a beautiful wife and a couple kids – but now you must realize that it’s not even a possibility. You always assumed that you would have a happy life – but now, you’ve got to accept that this ain’t never going to happen. 

Things are never going to get better. You can’t change things. You can’t fix things. You’re going to suffer no matter what.

They did this to you.

That made you feel like this. They gave you this anguish. The only thing you’ve got ahead of you is even more misery than you have now. If you had any self-respect, you would make them experience as much pain as they have given you.  

An eye for an eye. That is God’s law.

Do you have the guts to make them pay for what they did to you? Do you have the balls to get retribution? Well, do you, punk?

DON’T TRY TO SAVE OTHERS IN AN EMERGENCY

by Mr. Mean-Spirited



Only save yourself.

Only you are worth saving.

In any emergency, trying to save other people will not only put your own personal safety at risk, but it will leave the entire population in peril. Trying to save strangers will only result in more death and destruction than the actual disaster itself. In an actual emergency, there will always be a few unlucky victims who will perish – but trying to save the lives of these few unfortunates will put the entire populace in danger.

You don’t ever want to attempt to rescue a drowning man – you will only get dragged under the water. You don’t care for someone with an infectious disease – otherwise, you risk contracting the virus. You don’t share your food with a starving man – you’re just postponing his inevitable starvation and you yourself might well become malnourished.

It is always best to cut your losses: let those other people that are fated to die come to realize their destiny. Don’t interfere with the ill-omened. Trying to change someone else’s lot in life will only result in misfortune for everyone.

Let us see the hand of providence in one example. No fire drill has ever saved a life – not once, not one occasion. Instead, a fire drill is a dangerous bit of safety theater that costs the lives of overly-trained citizens. Like everything else practiced and promoted by liberals, the fire drill is a counterproductive performance that only encourages people to ignore an actual emergency.

Fire drills are a nuisance – nobody takes them seriously; in every drill, people take as long as possible to gather their possessions, to finish their snacks, to gab with their acquaintances, and finally to get out of the building. People ignore fire alarms because they think the noise is just another compulsory exercise run by self-righteous authority figures. After suffering through a series of well-intentioned practice sessions, no one is ever going to take an alarm seriously in a genuine conflagration. Workers are going to think a legitimate alarm is just another drill.

Fire drills are not designed to save lives, as much as to give do-gooders a feeling that they are making a difference. Fire drills were not devised to keep retards from getting cremated, but to allow busy-bodies the illusion that they are helping people. The more the bureaucrats try to save people, the more that their efforts will only cost lives in the long run – but at least the functionaries will be feeling pretty good about themselves when surveying the charred corpses.  

The minute you try to save one person’s life, you end-up killing a dozen other people by accident. There will always be some unlucky bastard who dies in a house fire – that unfortunate person cannot and should not be helped. The moment you try to save someone who is fated to die, you end up letting a dozen other civilians perish by happenstance. Trying to save one life always results in the destruction of a dozen other souls in the process. Trying to rescue one dumb bastard will only bring about the manslaughter of twelve bystanders. You can’t save everyone, so it is best not to bother trying to save anyone – otherwise, there will always be unintended consequences.

Next time you see a person trapped in a blazing building, the only sensible reaction is to open a bag of marshmallows. Never let the screams of burning victims keep you from enjoying a good campfire.

THE ALFERD PACKER SOLUTION

by Mr. Mean-Spirited



Alferd Packer, that quintessential cannibal of the Old West, unfortunately didn’t leave us any recipes, but he did provide an infallible way of disposing with pesty liberals that works to this day. When Alferd Packer, the conservative Colorado Cannibal, was convicted of feasting on human flesh, the judge sentenced him by complaining: “When yah came to Hinsdale County, there was siven Dimmycrats. But you, yah et five of 'em, goddam yah.” (Got to love the way they rendered dialect back in the 19th Century.) Say what you like about a guy who eats human tissue – but Alferd Packer knew how to deal with busy-body Democrats.

Those do-gooders who feel a need to dictate every aspect of your life were as much of a nuisance back in the Wild West as they are today. Communitarians were as much of an annoyance in the Gold Rush era as they are in today’s society. Alferd Packer chanced upon the only sensible way to respond to idealists: after all, you can’t reason with liberals; you can’t present any evidence that would cause liberal to realize the error of their ways; you can’t ever get liberals to change their mind. In olden days as well as modern times, there is only one way to deal with bleeding hearts: cook and consume them.

Then as now, a humanitarian is always the greatest menace to your very freedom. There is only one way to eliminate the threat of idealists: cannibalize them. You might as well go all anthropophagous with an altruist. Slice-and-dice is the best way to deal with somebody always talking about self-sacrifice. Whenever you hear the word “benevolence,” you ought to reach for your bone saw. If you can’t beat them, then eat them.

After all, Democrats are always talking how the most important thing in the world is just to feed the hungry – Alferd Packer simply gave liberals a chance to prove their words.

A SOBER MAN IS A COWARD

by Mr. Mean-Spirited

 

 

 

If you are an alcoholic, you need to drink-up and shut-up.

If you are a problem drinker, then the only way that you are ever going to find a cure is simply to keep substance-abusing.  You’re not ever going to be able to control your life unless you persist in your addictions; you need to continue your liquor consumption until you can control your compulsions.   You do not give up booze, but you accept your fate and celebrate your destiny with a drink.

Liquor is like everything else in life: your skill improves with practice.  Proficiency is never achieved by giving up your calling.  Prowess can only ever be attained by continuing with your routine as long as it takes – if your destiny is booze, then you need to stay with it until you can completely control your habit.  Mastery is only going to be acquired by keeping-up with your drinking.

No 12-step program ever healed anything, such behavioral re-indoctrination will only destroy your true nature – these “treatment” scams merely replace one intoxicant with a toxic helplessness. Confessing that you are powerless is not fixing anything – but only making you even more needy.  Appealing to a higher power is merely going to make you dependent upon an even more-expensive substance.  Just as a well-trained sprinter would never give up running when he feels a wee bit tired – just as a genuine athlete continue until he gets a “second wind,” so an alcoholic must find the courage to push through and to take another drink when he reaches rock bottom.

An alcoholic who is sober has not changed his true nature, but the boozer is merely denying who he truly is. A tee-totaling alcoholic is living a lie. An honest man empties the shot glass. Abstinence is for moral weaklings.

Obviously, not every alcoholic is going to triumph in finding his drinking tempo, but a 12-step program condemns you to fail from the start.  Sure, you might not succeed in spacing-out your liquor, but an alcoholic who drinks on his own timetable has shown his mettle.  An alcoholic who continues drinking on his own schedule has accepted his fate.  Better to be true to your sodden nature than living a sober lie.

To be sure, some characters are going to die of alcoholism – but their fate is to succumb no matter what they do.  They are meant to die, and they do not concern us.  (You need not ever concern yourself with the victims.)  If you are an alcoholic, then you were meant to be an alcoholic – you shouldn't trust to change your fate, but celebrate your destiny with a toast.

The most courageous soul is one who accepts his fate.  A brave man takes another drink.  An alcoholic who remains sober is just another coward; healing will never occur until the alcoholic has learned to hold his liquor.  Recovery is always proven by a neat row of downed shot glasses.  An alcoholic who is able to pace his drinking has attained mastery over life and liquor.  

Never trust a man who won’t take a drink.

NEVER TRUST A FOOD-SERVICE WORKER

by Mr. Mean-Spirited

 

Surely you are not naïve enough to believe that you will be getting uncontaminated food in any restaurant. Commercial food is a kind of spittoon for the accumulated resentment of underpaid workers. Fast food is a receptacle for discarded mucus of those who have taken umbrage against you.

The employees at every bistro have a lottery going to see who can get the most repulsive items into the customer's mouth. Every gourmet restaurant has got a contest going among the staff to see who can get the customers to swallow the most disgusting object. Consider of every meal as a sort of practical joke in which the evidence gets eaten. Think of the dining establishment as a place where body waste gets recycled into the mouths of other people. Chew on that for a while.

The maître d’ might bow when he leads you to your table, but in the stockroom he is wiping his bowel movement onto your garlic bread. The server might wink when he recommends the daily special, but in the pantry, he’s masturbating into your goulash. Don’t you ever wonder why that salad dressing always tastes a bit off? The waiter may smile when he is at your table pocketing the tip, but you can be certain that in the kitchen he is spitting in your food. 

The customer is always in the most victimized party in any transaction. If the client knows that he will be placing himself in a vulnerable position, it is best to avoid the situation altogether. The chef is always going to get the better of any dinner guest. 

Would you like some fish with those phlegm balls? Would you like me to freshen-up that beverage with a little warm piss?