by Mr. Mean-Spirited
Aw, what’s the matter? Are you upset? Did you get offended by what I said? Did you get all bothered by what you were told? Did you get your feelings hurt?
Well, your feelings need to be hurt. You deserve to be insulted. You need to suffer, bub. You need to feel the pain.
When I offend you, I am doing the Lord’s work. When I hurt your feelings, I make you realize just how unimportant you truly are. Offensive words are always accurate words. Offensive speech is invariably correct speech.
Do you think I disrespected you? Well, that’s right – I don’t respect you, and nor does anyone else. If you are a contemptible person, you are simply going to get a lot of contempt from other people. You are just human filth – and it is about time that you realize it. You are absolute scum, and it is about time that somebody told you what you really are. You are a loser, and you need to come to terms with it.
You have an unwarranted opinion of yourself. When you are offended, you see yourself for what you really are: worthless. When your feelings get hurt, you see the world as it truly is: inconsequential. You need to come to terms with just how insignificant you really are in the great cosmic scheme of things, and my offensive words are exactly what you need to hear.
Emotional pain occurs when actual facts do not match your inflated opinions. Maybe you simply aren’t as smart as you imagine yourself to be. Maybe you just aren’t as attractive as you would like. Maybe your own life isn’t as fulfilling as you suppose.
Being offended ultimately puts reality and your perception back into alignment. You should be grateful that someone has gone to the trouble of putting you in your place. There is a reason why getting insulted cuts you down to size. Having your feelings hurt is downright therapeutic.
You need to look yourself in the mirror and see just what a disgusting piece of shit you really are. It is absolutely essential that you get your feelings hurt in this world.
You need to be offended – and you need it special.
No one knows less about wine than the kind of person who would go to a tasting.
After a death in my family, I had some legal documents that needed to be signed by a hospital administrator. While waiting in the outer office, I noticed a stack of tickets to a “charity event.” Because the official was “unexpectedly delayed” for over 50 minutes, I slipped one of the passes into my file folder. I think that the return envelope requested a minimum four-figure donation, but since the medical industry had already swindled hundreds of thousands of dollars from the insurance company for my sister’s incompetent treatment, I thought that I was owed a little something.
I deserved a little fun. So there I was with an invitation to an “exclusive gathering” without any proper clothing. I knew enough to understand that only a middle-class minion would actually wear a new suit to a “society event,” so I headed to the nearest thrift store for some quality apparel. Nothing screams upper class like a slightly frayed camel hair jacket and a bow tie. I gave my hair a needed trim with the shaver attachment – and, by nightfall, I looked completely like a Flemish faggot. (I also took a tablet of Mexican propranolol to minimize normal anxiety around so many fairies and foodies.)
After presenting my ticket to security with a scowl and a curt nod, I was unshed into the hall. I never could afford to set foot into the place in the best of times … but there I was – in the presence of the local “high and mighty.” God damn, my very bowels were awed at the throng. However, no matter how luxurious the surroundings, I quickly became bored out of my mind with all the talk of retirement options and Caribbean vacations, so I thought I would have a good laugh when the wine was poured.
I loudly claimed to discover a “hint of Meyer lemon” in the first vintage – actually, I couldn’t detect anything of the sort; it just tasted like fermented grape juice to me. But – wouldn’t you know – some other assholes immediately claimed that they could distinguish the same citrus flavor. Next round, I noticed that others were watching me with expectation, so I claimed to find a “suggestion of freshly harvested pineapple” – and, miracle of miracles, so did everyone else. The truth, of course, is that the second glass of white wine tasted absolutely identical to the first – but when I claimed that the flavor was “astonishing,” so did the cocksuckers around me.
I immediately decided that the third offering would be “disappointing” before even taking a sip. I made some appropriate facial movement and delivered my verdict. Since I established myself as bit of an authority, I didn’t need to give any explanation – just slowly twirled the stem of the glass below my nose. Naturally, the oenophiles went out of their way to agree with my assessment. No matter how preposterous my assertion about a glass of wine that evening, the experts in my circle always were in “profound agreement.” In reality, just about the only thing impactful any of those types ever felt was what might have been shoved up their anus.
No human being is as much a conformist as a gourmet who claims to have a refined palate. Nobody is easier to con than a connoisseur. No one is easier to fool than an art expert. No professional is easier to deceive than an acknowledged authority.
Take my advice: if you are tasting “subtle hints” of raspberry and chocolate in a glass of wine, then you are only imagining things – or, perhaps, ought to be evaluated for an aggressive brain tumor. The only ingredient that has gone into that bottle of wine is grapes – and maybe the occasional rodent that got caught in the hopper. Grape juice is all that is you are actually getting in your mouth – and don’t pretend otherwise. It’s unseemly.
Don’t blame me; my taste is fucking exquisite.
by Mr. Mean-Spirited
Don’t come near me. Get the hell away from me.
People are something to be avoided. You should always keep your distance if you happen to encounter others. You will need to stay away from the mass of humanity if you want to be yourself. You are going to need to shun human beings if you want to remain an individual.
People will only contaminate you. The trouble with the human horde is that you will be dragged down to their level. No matter how much you might try to resist, other people will always befoul your soul. No matter how much you might try to retain your innate uniqueness, society will rub-off upon you.
People will only corrupt you. No matter how much you might struggle, your friends will eventually get you to compromise. No matter how much you resist, you will finally give in. The only fate worse than death is having to join in – and that future awaits us all.
Ultimately people will only consume you. They will make you into one of their own. You will become part of the group. And once you become part of the crowd, you might not be able to find your way out. Once the horde finds you, it is too late.
The multitude is always out there. The mob has been working a conspiracy against you from the start.
by Mr. Mean-Spirited
Suppose you were really, really malicious. Suppose you wanted to cause the human race all misfortune that you possibly could. Suppose you wanted this mischief to persist as long as the human soul survived.
What, then, would you to do create the worst possible malady for the individual spirit? You would organize the Freemasons, of course.
Secret societies are not devised to obliterate traditional governments – instead, the Masons are designed solely to annihilate the personalities of the members.
There is a reason why occult orders always have an obsession with charity campaigns. You don’t really think a bunch of drunken Worshipful Masters really give a shit about crippled children, do you? The more good things that the hierarchy claims have done to some unsuspecting adolescent, the more that the leadership is able to get away with. And the way that the Freemasons take advantage of their low-level members is to make them think that they are “helping the underprivileged.” Nothing produces compliance like being generous toward strangers.
Plenty of organizations follow the Masonic model. It is crucial that you understand the example of the Scottish Rite so that you can observe how secret social institutions are arrayed against you. If you realize exactly how the Freemasons manage to remain in power, then you can recognize what the ruling elite is actually doing in society. Organizations always do the most damage by pretending to be so conspicuously benevolent. The best way to conceal blood stains on the altar is with an open bible. The more a corporation claims to be involved in charitable practices, the more certain that the collective is trying to contaminate you. You can get a man to commit any crime if you convince him that his carnage will benefit all humanity.
Here’s where things get devious. You don’t tell the new initiates what you are really doing. As an alternative, you inform the new recruits how they are going to change the world. But you say that the apprentice needs to go through certain rituals in order transmute himself into the kind of citizen that will populate this new society.
What the lodge-masters do not ever reveal is that these very rites are calculated to destroy the soul of the initiate. And that was the true intention all along. You see, there are certain occult ceremonies that render a soul eternally unfit for divine paradise. The objective is to have a believer so utterly damn himself that there is no recovery. Consider the act of joining the Freemasons as a ritualized infection. The goal of the Masons is to befoul all that belong.
That is the real reason for an occult order – to contaminate the practitioner. You might so hate this existence that you need to infect everyone you can. You want the entire world to be tainted. You want payback against humanity – and you get the revenge one degree at a time.
Enlightenment has a way of making everything grimy.
by Mr. Mean-Spirited
God is one moody and morose entity, and that is precisely why you should be more like Him. God is one angry and annoyed being, and that is exactly why you should be more like Him. God is one malevolent and malicious deity, and that is particularly why you need to become more like Him.
The God of the Old Testament is one vicious and vindictive spirit – and, right now, right at this moment in time, that is just what you need to be.
God will curse your very existence sooner than cure you of an affliction. God will flood the whole globe sooner than feed a hungry guy. God will strike you dead sooner than lift your sorrow
There is one thing about a divine being that you really need to emulate – and that is a fierce selfishness. Jehovah is one self-absorbed entity. God is perfect and damn proud of it. God receives supplications; He doesn’t offer them. God receives praise; He doesn’t give it.
Ain’t nothing nice and cuddly about the Lord. God has burned alive as many believers as He has blessed. So you, then, need to act just as vengeful as your Maker. The creation must never show any more mercy than the Creator.
The world has suffered enough kindness. God does whatever the fuck He pleases, and it is about time that you, as well, stopped worrying about consequences. If smiting is good enough for the Heavenly, then it is good enough for the human. If a decent man is supposed to fear God, then you should live so fully that other people might actually start to fear you.
by Mr. Mean-Spirited
A woman dying of cancer has a breath that smells like Satan’s nail polish remover.
When an individual’s organs start to fail and the body slinks toward death, the flesh secretes a curious odor. Death has a particular scent. There is a smell to dying.
You never forget the aroma of death. If you have ever been around a dying person, you will carry the smell of death around with you forever after – a stink of sauerkraut mixed with Jolly Rancher candy. The body emits a stench that contaminates the bystanders. You can smell it in your clothes no matter how many times you run the fabric through the washer; you can smell it in the folds of your skin no matter how many times you scrape at your flesh with a ragged bar of deodorant soap. That smell has now entered into you.
Anything you sniff will now carry that faint hint of rotting flesh. Even the whiff of a newly blossomed rose will now remind you of decaying tissue. Even the fragrance of warm devil's food cake will make you remember festering wounds.
It may surprise you that an obnoxious misanthrope like me actually has family members, but I just watched my little sister take her last breath. The hospice nurse went home at the end of the evening shift, so I was given a morphine hypodermic and told to administer the syringe in her final hours; it is not her death rattle that I recall as much as the odor coming from her mouth. The vapors coming out of her were as thick as steam. The entire room took on the smell of someone’s innards. Sometimes it is better not to say "good-bye," just to push the plunger. In the end, her body was all curled and contorted like an old blanket in the dryer. No matter how much she squirmed in her hospital bed, she could not escape the fog of death – and neither can you, my dear reader. Fatality does not sneak up upon you – as much as you discover that it has been there with you all along.
But the next person to die is certain to be you, my online reader – you can smell your own death beginning to ooze out beneath your fingernails. There is nothing you can do. The stench of death is already upon you.
by Mr. Mean-Spirited
Other human beings will always be a disappointment; the closer they are to you, the greater will be their disloyalty.
The stronger you love another person, the more certain that you will end-up betrayed by your beloved. Devotion to another human being will always turn into an act of deception against you.
The harm done to you by a lover’s treachery is greater than any pleasure from transitory affection. You will barely remember any caresses and copulations – but you will recall your partner’s infidelity forever. You may forget your spouse’s face – but you will recollect the unfaithfulness on your deathbed.
Even on the rare occasion when friends might not deliberately try to hurt you, their inevitable ineptitude will do you even greater harm. The human proclivity for incompetence is even greater than their propensity to injure. Being around strangers will leave you vulnerable to their stupidity.
Trusting another human being is just setting yourself up to be tricked. The kinder you are to other people, the more that they will take advantage of you. Being around people just isn’t worth the risk.
