Even if you manage to conceal your assets from the tax collector and to hide away some savings in a personal bank account, you can only expect the funds to be embezzled by an ambitious speculator. By now, you have got to realize that any investment banker will steal everything you deposit. You might think that buying precious metals might leave you a little something for those terminal years of life – but only a fool would imagine that you are actually going to get genuine gold for your cash. Get real, there is not going to be anything for you when you retire.
Surely you might as well enjoy a life of leisure right now rather than wait until you have reached a future state of decrepitude. Why save money for a dream home on the golf course when Alzheimer’s will probably take you down before you can even sink the first put? Enjoy your free time right now rather than having to wait until you are drooling your days away in some hospice. You don’t need investments for your “golden years”; you only need a graceful exit strategy.
The only senior benefit that you should bank on is a working firearm. The only old-age plan that you should depend upon is a well-oiled revolver. The most certain retirement program is a loaded .357 magnum. The only pension package that you should trust is a box of cartridges.
Shrewd investment advice, Mr. Mean. I started my retirement planning early in life. The .38 Special Plan. Would switching to the .357 Magnum Plan give me any more appreciable bang for my buck?
ReplyDeleteLol, Unknown :)
DeleteEspecially if you are going to be using your handgun for home defense as well, the .357 is going to be a far superior weapon; stopping power just doesn’t get any better. If you were to purchase some 140 to 180 grain bullets for the magnum, you would have, in my estimation, the finest revolver ever devised by man. If, however, money is tight, and if you are living in an apartment, it might be best to keep the .38 for now.
DeleteDon't read more into it than what I say, but aren't you too trusting in firepower? You yourself say one shouldn't expect death to be benign; but aren't you overlooking the potential experience of tearing apart the center of your nervous system? It might be but the blink of an eye, yet a hell beyond the sum of one's preceding suffering in that moment. Or worse, it might take that box of cartridges to ram through the layers. And even worse, it might only be the hemorrhage following one's last shot, that finally puts one to rest.
ReplyDeleteTrue, there is always the possibility of mishap with guns (be it human, mechanical or chemical), but there are fewer possible failure points than allowing nature to take its course. Ultimately, you live or die according to statistics, and firearms simply give you better odds.
DeleteBetter odds at dying, yes. But what do the statistics tell about the level of pain involved? It's tempting to assume control over one's destiny with the means in one's own possession: in Japan, those who lived by the way of the sword would use their second, shorter saber, to retire from a disgraceful existence. Seppuku may have had even better statistical chances at death than shooting oneself, but its not a mystery that slicing up one's intestines is profoundly agonising. But when it comes to blowing one's brain out, what do we know about the excruciation involved in succesfully shattering it?
DeleteA very interesting question. Obviously we don’t know if there is any agony involved in a successful gunshot to the brain; however, we can be reasonably certain that there isn’t all that much of a duration. Even if that split second is utter torment, it is still preferable to a decade of senile dementia.
DeleteYeah. And preferable to being eletrocuted, falling from great heights on concrete, eaten alive by a shark or something. I fully agree to it, and seeing my grand parent these days stuttering and not being able to follow us anymore I have said - I´m not gonna be like that if I can do something about it.
DeleteBut Mean-Spirited, don't you say things will only get worse after death -- so why would you want to shoot yourself and get there?
ReplyDeleteOr have you changed your mind about it? [That'll be good! =)]
Because you get fed-up. Because you get tired of life. Ever quit a job, even though you haven’t got any money, simply because you can’t take working for an asshole boss another day? Ever break-up with a girlfriend, even though you won’t have anyone to fuck, simply because you can’t stand being around her? Ever not eat a meal you have just microwaved, even though you’ll go to bed hungry, simply because you are bored with the same old stuff? Never said the afterlife will be better – but sometimes you have just had enough of existence.
DeleteAnd alot of poor bastards don't even have a job to quit or a girlfriend to dump.
ReplyDeleteMy retirement plan is a big black rock from a few poppy crops.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I don't have this retirement plan. But I do know where my carotid artery is located.
ReplyDelete