DEADBEAT DADS ARE HEROES

by Mr. Mean-Spirited





No figure in modern America is more heroic than the deadbeat dad. The child-support resistor courageously struggles against the economic slavery of forced fatherhood. The deadbeat dad's brave refusal to pay makes him a freedom-fighter against the servitude of tyrannical responsibility. No matter how much the do-gooder might insist that a father has an obligation to the community, the deadbeat is one of the last surviving individualists who still value personal autonomy over social duty.  The deadbeat dad battles against financial servitude.

1. Deadbeat dads are the bravest souls in modern America. Look, the deadbeat dad understands all-too-well that no other individual is as despised as a man who refuses to support his children. The deadbeat dad obviously realizes that he will be heartily detested by decent society. Yet the deadbeat has the moral fiber to stick to his guns – and to withstand this extortion. These courageous individuals are well aware of what society does when a man dares to resist the do-gooders’ protection racket. Because the deadbeat dad questions the legitimacy of these shakedown artists, he threatens the cushy jobs of the whole child-protection establishment. There are billions of dollars in pension funds that are jeopardized by his bounced check.

Refusing to waste money on a worthless child takes considerable bravely in this day and age of near-compulsory parenting. Think of the deadbeat dad as a liberator crusading against the humanitarian's notion of financial duty. 

2. Child support payments would be wasted anyway. Surely if a slut is too dumb to get an abortion when some one-night-wonder knocks her up, then the breeder will obviously be too stupid to manage money—the mother would just blow any child-support on lottery tickets and meth anyway. Let's face it, if a dumb broad doesn't have the common sense to get rid of the pregnancy in the first place, then she isn't going to have the brains to raise a child properly. Things are going to turn out badly with the little bastard no matter how much money the bitch gets, so why even bother sending the whore a check? The deadbeat dad understand what really happens to money paid for child support.

3. Adults must take precedence over children. It is not likely that the kid is going to amount to anything anyway, so why waste any more money on the repulsive critter? Even if two parents were to raise the brat, it is rather doubtful that the parasite is going to make any contribution to civilization anyway, so why not cut your losses right now? The worthless bastard is not going to grow up and make any scientific advancement to American culture anyway. Better that an infant goes hungry than a father has to do without a six-pack.

4. Just because sperm was deposited in some slut’s cunt, a man shouldn’t be held liable for 18 years of financial payments. Once a gentleman has abandoned his semen, he should have no more concern about the consequences than he does when casting aside a used Kleenex. Being coerced into paying child support for the outcome of his spew makes about as much sense as a bloke having to purchase antibiotics because of a bacterial culture in his nasal drippings. A fertilized ovum has about as much cosmic importance as a gnat coated in snot. A new life has about as much value as anything else that comes out of the end of your dick. 

5. Children are worthless parasites. A deadbeat dad shows that everything the mass media says about offspring is sentimental bullshit. In an age of sanctimonious platitudes about the importance of children, the deadbeat demonstrates the real valuation of a kid. It is only fair that if the bastard was conceived as an afterthought, then the creature should be treated as an afterthought throughout life. True, it is not the brat’s fault he was an unwelcome accident, but unwanted kids are not worth anything anyway. A baby has just as much monetary worth as the amount of a deadbeat dad’s check: zero.

It takes a certain manliness to consecrate your life to your own amusement—and it certainly requires quite some testosterone to live your life without a thought about where your spermatozoa might swim. I've met plenty of wimpy fathers in my time, but a deadbeat dad is never going to be called a sissy. Think of the deadbeat dad as a beer-drinking ninja battling against totalitarian responsibility. Let us raise a shot-glass in admiration of the heroism of the deadbeat dad.