BLACK FRIDAY IS THE MOST HONEST DAY OF THE YEAR

by Mr. Mean-Spirited

Surely Black Friday has got to be the most enjoyable day of the year.  That first shopping opportunity right after downing the Thanksgiving meal is not only endlessly entertaining, but Black Friday also furnishes some truly engrossing insights into the human soul.  The nature of the species is never on more honest display than when it is pushing a shopping cart.

The best of humanity is never seen in feeding the hungry, but in yanking that last pair designer sneakers off the shelf before another shopper might reach them.  The truest expression of human resilience is not in healing the sick, but in kicking a crippled customer out of the way so that you can reach the latest-model cell phone. You can always find the mankind’s greatest efforts not in being first on the scene to help survivors of a natural disaster, but in getting to a buy-one-get-one-free offer before anyone else.

Human beings will trample each other just to save a couple dollars on some plastic trinket.  Pregnant woman will slap someone else’s kids out of the way just to get the latest shrink-wrapped product.  You can watch grown men starting fist-fights over merchandise that has merely been discounted a couple percentage points.

No shopper will ever let another person get ahead of them – that aggressive purchasing is mankind’s true character.  No consumer will ever share the stuff in his shopping basket with any other Black Friday buyer. A customer will grab an item for no other reason than to keep someone else from getting it.  And the bottom line is that a human being really doesn’t need any of this mass-marketed crap anyway.

If you want to see Homo sapiens in its natural habit, just visit any Wal-Mart right after Thanksgiving.  The law of the jungle while clutching a glossy advertising flyer. Lex talionis with a maxed-out credit card in the wallet. 

If you do not yet hate all mankind, a few hours in a warehouse store around the Holidays would be enough to turn Mother Theresa into a snarling, snapping misanthrope. Black Friday: people behaving like brutes and nasty-ass merchandise … what’s not to love?

HOW TO DESTROY YOUR ENEMIES WITH CURSES

by Mr. Mean-Spirited


Curses are more than magical spells designed to bring some harm to your enemy. Hexes are that, it is true – but, in the grand scheme of things, curses also become something far more powerful. Curses are a secret, sinister way of resetting a world that has gone off kilter. If you think of the cosmos as a sort of celestial grandfather clock, then curses are keys to the firmament.

Cursing your enemy is an attempt to put things right. Curses are an attempt to repair all the ways that you were personally wronged. By making things right for yourself, you restore the harmony of the cosmos. When you curse a personal foe, you rectify the heavenly order. By getting revenge for yourself on the microcosm, you recover the balance of the existence on the macrocosm. Curses are tools of divine redress.

1. Curses do not allow you to forget how you were originally harmed by your enemies. Throwing a curse forces you to come to a realization of the extent of everything that your adversaries are trying to do to you. Crafting a curse necessitates that you to recognize the magnitude of your torment. Curses demand that you come to terms with reality. Working a curse brings you to an awareness of all the ways you have been wronged by those around you. Rather than seeing yourself plagued by bad luck, you recognize a deliberate attack being waged against you.

Curses use a sort of psychic energy to harm a chosen foe. You must dwell upon all the wrongs you have suffered in the past in order to generate that mental energy.

2. Curses affix blame. Curses define agent who caused the problem in the first place.

Curses identify the source of the maladies you have endured. Your curse must precisely identify the recipient. Curses will only work if you have a specific target. 

You must identity the victim of the curse by exact name. You must select one particular focus upon which to work your harm.

3. Curses promise a distinct and distinctive misfortune to your enemy. Curses require specific punishment for your suffering. The more precise the misfortune that you wish upon the recipient, the greater the chance of success. Do not frame a curse with a vague hope like "drop dead"; instead, use as much detail as possible: "drop dead when you trip on the stairs going into your basement and impale yourself through the eye on a rusted reinforcing rod." You want an obscure piece of information about your antagonist that will "worry the victim" like a tongue wiggling a lose tooth – your target’s constant fretting will eventually cause the thing to come out and about.  You want your foe to involuntarily envision the scenario: the rust on the iron rod protruding from the eye socket. 

You must meticulously detail what is to befall your foe.

Curses are all about precision. You must single-out the target and exquisitely detail what is to happen to the bastard. The more you know about your enemy, the better you are able to fabricate a curse.

4. Your curses must promise greater misfortune to your victim than the recipient originally caused you. The hex is like a fulcrum that levers a small slight against you into a massive counterattack upon your foe. The only way that a curse might work is to overwhelm your enemy. Your curses must display a diabolical ingenuity and be inordinately destructive. The more brutal the jinx, the better the probability of success. If you are going to the trouble of cursing someone, you might as well go all out.

You must craft a curse of astonishing cruelty.

Despite what do-gooder Christians would like to imagine, a successful curse never boomerangs upon the maker. It is only when an individual throws a weak, half-hearted curse at a foe does that enemy then fling back a more powerful curse of his own. If you don’t want any boomerang, your curse must promise the utter destruction of your antagonist.

Cures are naturally more effective if your intended victim learns that you are working an act of revenge against him. However, if your hex does not promise grandiose brutality, you risk having your jinx over-powered by your enemy's imprecation of even greater barbarity. For your own self-protection, you must be merciless in your curses. Pity can utterly destroy you. 

5. The actual format of a curse requires verbal repetition. No matter from which folk tradition the spell might originate, curses always include repetitive phrases. It is not the precise wording that is as important as the restatement. Think of the repetition as the windings in a transformer, repeated words amply the voltage of the curse. The verbal reiteration helps to focus your will upon the target.

When designing a curse, you must repeat the way that your foe is to be punished.

6. Curses take time to work their evil. Curses psychologically demoralize the target victim, but that psychic debilitation will take weeks. Hexes devastate surely, but slowly. Curses are like an acid that slowly corrodes the lifestyle of the adversary.

You must be patient when working a curse upon an enemy.

You must, for instance, continually imagine the murder and mutilation of your adversaries. When you can see the dismembered bodies of your foes behind closed eyelids, you will see those very same disfigured limbs when those lids snaps open. Throwing a curse is simply a matter of envisioning that future massacre of your antagonists.

For the curses to prove successful, you must never forget how you were wronged. The power of your next curse requires that you always keep in mind the success of your last hex. Curses improve with practice. Your every wish must be the complete devastation of your enemies.

There are no small, inconsequential slights. Getting cut-off in traffic is not a random act. The limo driver who gives you the finger is not just trying to insult you, but also to disrupt the totality of cosmic order. If you do not curse the bastard who maligns you, then you prevent the celestial equilibrium from being restored. To maintain this sacred balance, hexing your foes must become part of daily life. Cursing your enemies is absolutely necessary to reinstate the harmony of existence. If someone dishonors you, then your curse needs to be automatic and instinctive.

Not to curse your enemies with impending torture is to permit all creation to remain out of balance. Revenge does the heavens a favor.

I'M GOING TO HATE YOU FIRST

by Mr. Mean-Spirited




Nobody ever cared about me in life, so I’m not going to be concerned about you. No one ever helped me in this world, so I’m never going to help you. I’m going to show you as much compassion as all of society gave me – and that is zero. Other people gave me nothing whatsoever, so I’m not offering anything to you. That’s equitable.

I am as repelled by you as much as you are repulsed by me. You detest me, I despise you. You hate me, so I’m going to hate you back. It’s only fair.

I have seen enough of humanity to know how things really are, so I am going to be proactive in my loathing. I’m going to use some defensive hate against the rest of society – I’m going to do a little preemptive hating. Consider it precautionary hatred. I know that you’re going to abhor me, so I’m going to abominate you first. It’s only just.

WOMEN NEED CORRECTION

by Mr. Mean-Spirited




I’m not going to lie to you: I’ve been known to slap a woman around. I am not proud of it – sometimes I just can’t resist putting woman in her place. Often the only way that woman can be brought to a recognition is to smack some sense into her.

Thumping a woman every now and then is going to release some rather primordial emotions in her. What she then feels toward the man who takes a swipe at her is going to be more intense, more animal, and more dangerous. Slapping a woman can destroy a relationship, but it can also unleash a gritty passion. And, with the right woman, it is worth taking that risk.

1. Hitting a woman will offer an insight into her personality that could not be captured by any other means. Transgressive acts produce transgressive insights. Giving a lady a dose of corporal correction yields a glimpse of the feminine mind that could be obtained no other way. Often doing something reprehensible will give an awareness that would be impossible to acquire without risking such social stigma. It is usually necessary to become a bit of a reprobate in order to understand the ultimate nature of reality.

2. Corporal punishment builds character. Just as hitting a child helps to strengthen personality; a righteous whack helps knock the liberalism out of a smug broad. A good right hook will tend to smack four years of liberal arts right out of her head. A slap across the mouth, from time to time, helps to deepen her personality – by bringing her back in contract with traditional feminine roles. Daily life was never intended to be without pain.

3. The expression on her face when she is given that first whack is absolutely priceless. Like a Zen mediation student getting a whack on the back from the master’s staff, that first slap makes a lie of all the liberal platitudes that government schools have pounded into her head. Coming to a physical awareness of the cruelty of life does have a way of brushing the clichés from the eyes. 

4. The kind of women who thinks she is too special to be hit is not the kind of female you really want to be around. For thousands of years of human history, men have beaten their mates; non-violence is the aberration in the Western tradition.  If women were hit by their mates for time immemorial, then modern damsels shouldn’t be treated any differently. Just because a girl now has a cell phone and a stylish haircut doesn’t mean that she is any better than her ancestors. Sexual violence has always been part of human heritage and will never disappear – so deal with it.

5. Women will assent to physical correction. I’m not going to say women enjoy being hit: they don’t. No one likes being hurt. Any gent who claims otherwise doesn’t know the first thing about females. She might resent the blow, but the woman will still accept a wallop from the right man. Although it is not exactly politically correct, there are actually times when a woman will assent to being smacked. What is more, the female knows exactly when she deserves a whack. The true lady realizes when a slap is warranted.

6. Men who do not use physical violence will be rigorously tested and regularly despised. Woe to the man who does not react when his gal is out of line. A woman will never respect a man who fails to knock her around when she breaks the rules. I’d rather that lover would come to hate me than to think I am not up to a little violence now and then. Women expect a man to put a bit of determination in his reprimand. Real men not only hit women, but a gentleman always knows just how much force is appropriate. Only a wimp bothers to argue with a woman; a true man uses his superior body mass to get his point across physically.

7. When you hit a woman, you immediately remove yourself from consideration as a suitable father for her children. When you raise a hand against her, she knows that you would not ever be a good dad, so she yields to your overriding objective of keeping the relationship childfree. A guy who beats women demonstrates that he is simply unsuitable to have around kids, so you won’t have to worry about any surprises with the home pregnancy test kit. A touch of physical violence makes the romance more primal. (Leave the diaper-changing to the pantywaists.)

8. Bruises are emblems of our encounter. Look, it is not like I hit a woman every day; it is not that I cause her any real bodily damage. I just sometimes feel the need to leave a marker of my passage across her fleshy territory, like a surveyor’s mark upon the expanse. Not a sign of ownership as much as visual notice that my hands have passed across her.

9. Female erotic fantasy often includes being hit. In public, women will talk and talk and not shut-up about a society in which gents and broads are equal. But in private, ladies never fantasize about such wimpy egalitarian men. Women are not aroused by pansy-assed males, but by a guy with a firm hand. The men that end-up between a woman’s legs are seldom non-violent. Female sexual fantasies will often involve a male figure who can dominate her; whether that dominance is sexually expressed will depend on the extent of her socialization into the feminist agenda.

10. Slapping a woman is an act of tenderness. Striking a soulmate is far more intimate than making love. Should you raise a bruise, she will look at you with mingled dislike and devotion; she will loathe you, but she will be loyal. She might well detest you, but she will remain dedicated. Beating a woman does not make a girlfriend obey every whim – quite the reverse – but smacking a lady makes her focus upon you (at least after the swelling subsides). Raising a hand forces attachment, not affection. A women who is regularly administered the belt almost never abandons her man.

A gracious woman receives her chastisement without complaint. A seductive dame doesn’t fuss when she is set right. A charming hostess does not remonstrate when she is chastened. She’ll flinch when you take her in your arms, but she will press herself harder against you. She’ll jump when your fingers brush the back of her neck, but she will incline her head in front of you.

11. When I lay a hand on a woman, we create a bond. Romance isn’t what you see in the movies. Although violence against women is not exactly socially accepted at this moment in history, such brutality does make carnal knowledge all that more in-depth. Beating a woman is a sort of pact, a sign of a fleshy covenant. Consider my punch as the signing of a contract.

12. Having your mark on her changes the sexual experience. Just as make-up sex after a knockdown argument is more satisfying, so screwing a woman you have just slapped is more emotionally fulfilling than the casual variety. Sex with a woman you have hit carries deeper meaning. Copulation isn’t all caresses and kisses; if fornication doesn’t leave blemishes, you aren’t doing your adultery right. The most intense orgasms always leave most lingering bruises.

I make no secret of my proclivities; I do not hide my history of violence toward women.  If a lady comes to dislike my touch, then she is always free to leave.  I am not some Puerto Rican kidnapper with an assortment of teenagers chained in the basement; I take no prisoners.  Feminists would have you believe that dames are as strong as any man – except in one area – although broads at said to be as powerful as any male, these bitches just can’t seem to open the front door when subjected to unwanted chastisement.  If a female doesn’t like being nudged, she can always leave.  If a woman stays with me, she knows what is coming to her.