THE ALFERD PACKER SOLUTION

by Mr. Mean-Spirited



Alferd Packer, that quintessential cannibal of the Old West, unfortunately didn’t leave us any recipes, but he did provide an infallible way of disposing with pesty liberals that works to this day. When Alferd Packer, the conservative Colorado Cannibal, was convicted of feasting on human flesh, the judge sentenced him by complaining: “When yah came to Hinsdale County, there was siven Dimmycrats. But you, yah et five of 'em, goddam yah.” (Got to love the way they rendered dialect back in the 19th Century.) Say what you like about a guy who eats human tissue – but Alferd Packer knew how to deal with busy-body Democrats.

Those do-gooders who feel a need to dictate every aspect of your life were as much of a nuisance back in the Wild West as they are today. Communitarians were as much of an annoyance in the Gold Rush era as they are in today’s society. Alferd Packer chanced upon the only sensible way to respond to idealists: after all, you can’t reason with liberals; you can’t present any evidence that would cause liberal to realize the error of their ways; you can’t ever get liberals to change their mind. In olden days as well as modern times, there is only one way to deal with bleeding hearts: cook and consume them.

Then as now, a humanitarian is always the greatest menace to your very freedom. There is only one way to eliminate the threat of idealists: cannibalize them. You might as well go all anthropophagous with an altruist. Slice-and-dice is the best way to deal with somebody always talking about self-sacrifice. Whenever you hear the word “benevolence,” you ought to reach for your bone saw. If you can’t beat them, then eat them.

After all, Democrats are always talking how the most important thing in the world is just to feed the hungry – Alferd Packer simply gave liberals a chance to prove their words.

A SOBER MAN IS A COWARD

by Mr. Mean-Spirited

 

 

 

If you are an alcoholic, you need to drink-up and shut-up.

If you are a problem drinker, then the only way that you are ever going to find a cure is simply to keep substance-abusing.  You’re not ever going to be able to control your life unless you persist in your addictions; you need to continue your liquor consumption until you can control your compulsions.   You do not give up booze, but you accept your fate and celebrate your destiny with a drink.

Liquor is like everything else in life: your skill improves with practice.  Proficiency is never achieved by giving up your calling.  Prowess can only ever be attained by continuing with your routine as long as it takes – if your destiny is booze, then you need to stay with it until you can completely control your habit.  Mastery is only going to be acquired by keeping-up with your drinking.

No 12-step program ever healed anything, such behavioral re-indoctrination will only destroy your true nature – these “treatment” scams merely replace one intoxicant with a toxic helplessness. Confessing that you are powerless is not fixing anything – but only making you even more needy.  Appealing to a higher power is merely going to make you dependent upon an even more-expensive substance.  Just as a well-trained sprinter would never give up running when he feels a wee bit tired – just as a genuine athlete continue until he gets a “second wind,” so an alcoholic must find the courage to push through and to take another drink when he reaches rock bottom.

An alcoholic who is sober has not changed his true nature, but the boozer is merely denying who he truly is. A tee-totaling alcoholic is living a lie. An honest man empties the shot glass. Abstinence is for moral weaklings.

Obviously, not every alcoholic is going to triumph in finding his drinking tempo, but a 12-step program condemns you to fail from the start.  Sure, you might not succeed in spacing-out your liquor, but an alcoholic who drinks on his own timetable has shown his mettle.  An alcoholic who continues drinking on his own schedule has accepted his fate.  Better to be true to your sodden nature than living a sober lie.

To be sure, some characters are going to die of alcoholism – but their fate is to succumb no matter what they do.  They are meant to die, and they do not concern us.  (You need not ever concern yourself with the victims.)  If you are an alcoholic, then you were meant to be an alcoholic – you shouldn't trust to change your fate, but celebrate your destiny with a toast.

The most courageous soul is one who accepts his fate.  A brave man takes another drink.  An alcoholic who remains sober is just another coward; healing will never occur until the alcoholic has learned to hold his liquor.  Recovery is always proven by a neat row of downed shot glasses.  An alcoholic who is able to pace his drinking has attained mastery over life and liquor.  

Never trust a man who won’t take a drink.

NEVER TRUST A FOOD-SERVICE WORKER

by Mr. Mean-Spirited

 

Surely you are not naïve enough to believe that you will be getting uncontaminated food in any restaurant. Commercial food is a kind of spittoon for the accumulated resentment of underpaid workers. Fast food is a receptacle for discarded mucus of those who have taken umbrage against you.

The employees at every bistro have a lottery going to see who can get the most repulsive items into the customer's mouth. Every gourmet restaurant has got a contest going among the staff to see who can get the customers to swallow the most disgusting object. Consider of every meal as a sort of practical joke in which the evidence gets eaten. Think of the dining establishment as a place where body waste gets recycled into the mouths of other people. Chew on that for a while.

The maître d’ might bow when he leads you to your table, but in the stockroom he is wiping his bowel movement onto your garlic bread. The server might wink when he recommends the daily special, but in the pantry, he’s masturbating into your goulash. Don’t you ever wonder why that salad dressing always tastes a bit off? The waiter may smile when he is at your table pocketing the tip, but you can be certain that in the kitchen he is spitting in your food. 

The customer is always in the most victimized party in any transaction. If the client knows that he will be placing himself in a vulnerable position, it is best to avoid the situation altogether. The chef is always going to get the better of any dinner guest. 

Would you like some fish with those phlegm balls? Would you like me to freshen-up that beverage with a little warm piss?

TOTALITARIAN DEMOCRACY

by Mr. Mean-Spirited

Democracy is not a system designed to maximize individual liberty – as much as representative government is actually a structure devised to restrict freedom as much as possible. Bureaucratic systems always exist for the benefit of the bureaucrats – not for the individual citizens.  Voting wasn’t conceived to profit the voters as much as to pamper the elected officials.  Democracy was deliberately created to enslave the population.

Government officials have a weird psychological compulsion to control your life.  The kind of personality attracted to government employment always has a psychological need to control as many human beings as much as possible.  The bureaucratic mind has a personality flaw that manifests itself as a compulsion to regulate citizens.  The more restrictions that the civil servant can inflict upon the citizen, the more virtuous the functionary can feel about himself.  Each new governmental prohibition helps to civil servant to feel that he is accomplishing something.  The goal of the psychopaths in public office is to maximize conformity.  Government authorities get a weird thrill out of humiliating citizens with pointless regulations.  The ultimate goal of an idealist officeholder is to force you to live whatever he believes to be idealistic existence; the humanitarian official just wants to require you to live whatever he happens to feel is humane. 

Governments realize their goal of restricting freedom through incremental regulations. Limiting freedoms is, flat out, more easily accomplished under a democratic government than with any other system.  Self-determination is eradicated incrementally with each new regulation.  The elites expand social control by one well-intentioned law after the other.  Legislators never repeal regulations upon the people; instead, they always increase the number of rules a person is expected to obey.  Democracy takes away your liberty by one innocuous law after the other. 

Democracy controls more areas of life than any other political system. If one were to compare that the amount of liberty seized by a communist administration with that snagged by modern mass democracy, you will discover that the largest quality of restrictions upon the individual citizen will always be put in place by the elected representatives.  Add together the sheer quantity of minute restrictions, and you will find that more of an individual’s life is under the control of the democratic rulers than would be permissible under any other form of government.  Calculate the total number of innocuous regulations put in place by elected legislators and you will conclude that more of your life is controlled by a democratic government than ever would be possible under any other political system. 

While a ban on plastic bags may seem a relative insignificant piece of legislation, the prohibition is deliberately designed to appear innocuous.  Yet it is a law that affects an individual multiple times and in multiple locations each day.  While a restriction on abortion might only impact a woman once in life (maybe a couple times for a confirmed strumpet), these do-gooder regulations alter your daily activity pattern.  Just is the intent of brainwashing is to change the way that you behave, the intention of elected legislators is to modify your social interaction.  Elected official always manipulate the behavior of the constituents; citizens never determine shit.

Democracy requires that you devote more of your time to observance of bureaucratic regulations than under any other political structure.  Modern servitude comes about by taking away freedom in small amounts.  Not only are these constraints less noticeable when spread out into various areas of daily life, but the individual citizen is affected more often each and every day by governmental interference.  The sheer amount of time an individual spends in compliance to official regulations is greater under democracy than any other political structure.  The Internal Revenue Service not only restricts your financial freedom, but the bureaucrats also demand that you document your compliance to their regulations.  The planning commission not only dictates what you can do with your own property but also demand that you file a building plan to ensure your conformity.

Bureaucrats want their tyranny to appear less menacing by getting you to participate. Democracy is deliberately designed to keep you from realizing your loss of freedom by having you participate in the oppression. Representatives seem to imagine that, if they take away your liberty by one miniscule law at a time, citizens will never recognize the pattern – especially if the subject is given busy work like filling out ballots. 

Democratic despotism is always justified in name of keeping you safe.  Legislators might tell you not to drink soda or instruct you not to eat French fries cooked in the wrong kind oil – but the bureaucrat’s goal is not to make you live healthy, but to control every aspect of your life.   The government does not grope your genitals at the airport to keep you safe, but to demonstrate bureaucratic ownership over your body.  Democracy takes away your freedom one airport pat-down at a time.  You lose your liberty one shopping-bag ban at a time.

The goal of democracy is for the elected officials to tell you how to live. The establishment isn’t interested in self-reliance, but state-reliance.  The bureaucrats don’t want self-control, but social-control.  A democratic system is most oppressive style of government ever devised.  Democracy is a means of camouflaging tyranny.  Participatory democracy is a way of concealing totalitarianism.