YOU WON’T GET THE JOB

by Mr. Mean-Spirited



You aren’t going to get the job no matter what. You don’t stand a chance of finding any decent employment.

Yes, dear reader, it is about time that I set you straight.

Don’t even bother applying for the job; they’re not going to hire you. Don’t brother sending your resume; they’re not even going to look at it. Don’t bother networking; you will just stand around looking awkward and stupid.

Don’t you think everyone can see how desperate you are? This job is your last opportunity, and you don’t have a chance in hell of getting the work. There more you need a job, the less chance you will get the position. You want to eat, don’t you? – well, by God, you better get used to having an empty stomach.

They are going to keep you waiting just to show you exactly who is boss. They are going to be a half hour late just to demonstrate who has the power.

Truth is, you just aren’t competent. You can’t do the work, and they know it. You are out of your league, and they can smell it. They don’t want you – and nor does anyone else.

Everything about you looks fake. The worst thing you can ever do is to try to prepare for the interview; the managers know that any candidate who claims to be interested in corporate minutiae is an obvious phony. Your company research isn’t fooling anyone.

Face it, you just aren’t dressed right; a real career person doesn’t wear something like that. No matter how much you might pretend, you just aren’t professional. The recruiter shakes your hand as if it were a used Kleenex – and points to the door. You are one of those people that managers promise to call and never do.

Do the math, asshole. Several hundred people applied for this position – and you think that you’re going to be the lucky one. The roulette table at Las Vegas has better odds.  Hell will freeze over sooner than you would ever be hired, and it is about time that you accepted reality.

A girl may shoot you down when you try to pick her up, but that rebuff won’t destroy your sense of self-worth. A bank may refuse an application for a loan, but you can always get the money if you have enough collateral. You don’t realize exactly how worthless you are until you sit through a job interview. Having your very existence taken apart by a personnel manger will show how hopeless you truly are. When an interviewer asks you to tell him about yourself, you will finally come to understand just how useless you truly are. When a job recruiter questions you about your greatest fears, you might ultimately come to realize how empty you truly are. When the manager wants to hear about your biggest failure, now you can honestly tell him it was being born.

You’re just a fucking piece of shit; pity it took you this long to realize it. When you get rejected for the next job, now you know that you deserve it.