Nothing is as intense and instructive as a hate-fuck. You might have loved a girl at one point in your life, and as usual in these things, she dumped you – but you can’t stop thinking about her.
Even though there is something about her presence that now disgusts you, you can’t stop looking at her. Even though the feel of her body is now repugnant to you, there is still a desire to hold her in your arms again. Even though you now might bite her lips more than kiss her, you still want another taste of her skin.
You take your affection out on her. You grab her by the hair – and whether you clout or caress her, you arousal is just contempt for her very existence. It is called “banging her” for a reason.
You are disappointed with yourself for gaining an erection by the feel of her revolting flesh. The more you thrust into her body, the more she repulses you. You endure an orgasm out of sheer abhorrence. That final ejaculation is the only way to get her out of your system.
A whore you feel nothing for. A girlfriend you might even like. But a lover is a different sort of entity: a soulmate must be dealt with – you defile her, and then you depart.
Now you're sounding a bit like some of the writings of Peter Sotos. Except he fucked/fucks crack whores and glory hole gays, and his loathing was/is unalloyed by anything like love. Are you familiar with him, Mr. Mean?
ReplyDeleteAn intriguing comparison.
DeleteI’ve looked into the writings of Peter Sotos – at least what I could find free online (cheap bastard that I am). Although some of his work certainly does deal with a similar theme to this particular post, our intentions are quite dissimilar. I do not share Mr. Sotos’ interest in sexual predators (of one proclivity or another); I am merely trying to explore the inescapable loathing in all human interaction.
Please don't take this as a cheap shot. But did you loath your sister as you sat with her as she was dying?
DeleteThe best description of what I felt toward my sister was “resentment.” Her messy death by cancer made me even more indignant, if such a thing were possible.
DeleteI think I know what you are saying. My mother very recently died after about three suffering filled years from a variety of physical and mental ills.It caused incalculable stress to my family. I already had an anxiety disorder inherited from her side of family, which I indeed resented. Her actual death was not unexpected and a relief both to her and all concerned.
DeletePoetic.
ReplyDeleteThis song describes the situation perfectly https://soundcloud.com/cruelyouthxo/hatefuck
ReplyDelete